For a long time, I believed that speaking up for myself was rude. To the point that if I ordered a coffee and it didn’t taste right, I’d quietly sip it anyway. And if I did say something, I’d usually apologise first, then wrap my words in so much sugar that the real message got lost.

What I didn’t realise at the time was how much that pattern was quietly chipping away at my self-worth.

Every time I avoided a moment of discomfort, just to keep the peace or avoid seeming “difficult”, I was sending myself a powerful message:
“Don’t be a bother.”

What changed?
I started noticing that saying nothing came at a cost.
A quiet, steady cost to my confidence and sense of self.

I realised that speaking up wasn’t about being difficult. It was about being honest.
It wasn’t about creating conflict. It was about creating clarity.
And most importantly, it was about respecting myself enough to voice what matters.

It started with the smallest of actions, such as asking for a coffee to be remade.
But gradually, it evolved into much more:

• Setting boundaries with people I love

• Naming what I needed at work

• Saying “no” without apology

• Speaking up without overexplaining

Learning to speak up for my simple, everyday needs has been a quiet but powerful turning point.
It’s not about making things uncomfortable.
It’s about being honest with myself and with others. I learnt that clear is kind.
It’s about saying:
“This isn’t okay for me.”
“I’d prefer something else.”
“Here’s what I need.”

It might start with something as small as asking for your coffee to be remade.
But it grows into something much more meaningful:

• Self-respect: knowing your needs are valid

• Confidence: trusting yourself to speak and be heard

• Boundaries: protecting your energy and values without guilt

How to start speaking up?

1. Start with small, low-stakes moments
Practise using your voice in everyday situations, like correcting a food order or sharing your opinion in a group conversation. These small moments help you build trust in yourself.

2. Drop the apology
Notice how often you say “sorry” when you’re simply expressing a need. You can be kind without apologising for taking up space.

3. Use a grounding phrase
Have a go-to reminder for when you feel nervous. Something like:
“It’s safe for me to speak up.”
“My needs are valid.”
“I can be kind and clear.”

These phrases act as anchors when self-doubt creeps in.

Every time you choose to use your voice, even in the smallest moment, you reclaim a piece of yourself.

You are not too much.
You are not a bother.
You are worth listening to.

And you deserve to live in a way that honours you.